We always want to know what our significant other has been through in life, what he or she thinks about controversial topics, and what is the best way to make him or her happy. Sometimes he or she has had scary things happen that are not dinner conversation. When you are asking relationship questions, even having an intimate relationship with someone is not the only thing necessary to set the stage for asking relationship questions.
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Let’s cover important relationship questions centered around values, relationship history, sex and past tragedies. Ideally, you know these before you are deep in the relationship, but sometimes you realize you need to ask these just as you realize you are falling for him or her.
First, let’s hit the important question of values. Do you share the same religion? Are you Pro-life or pro-choice, with possible exceptions to each view? Are piercings or tattoos a taboo for you? Are you a Republican or Democrat? The devil is in the details of the relationship questions on values, but its also about compromise and listening. You may be pro-life but accept that in the case of rape, incest or threat to the mother’s life there might be an exception. Before you start thinking that your partner believes in murder, make sure you have the correct definition of their view point. This takes some relaxed listening skills where ideally you let your partner say their mind before you speak your piece. Note when there is confusion about what he or she said and ask for clarification of the answer before you decide you are unable to compromise.
What are your political views?
- Do you believe in god and if so, what is your religious affiliation?
- Do you want children or no?
- Where do you see your life going?
- Are you looking to be married someday?
Relationship history falls in the category of important questions. It’s not just for asking how many partners your partner has had, how long the relationship or whether they were in love though these are important questions in a relationship. It’s also about your future life with this person through understanding how things ended with others in the past. As for broaching past relationship questions, try not to feel the fear or anxiety you might have when asking. Separate yourself from those feelings and remind yourself that this person is dating you, not their exes. If you’re dating a reasonable person, they might be a bit uncomfortable with answering these questions, but you don’t have to fear being yelled at or demonized for asking about past relationships. However, if he or she overreacts and treat you badly, that is a sign to look for the door.
Key Relationship questions:
- What was your longest relationship?
- What is the hardest thing you’ve had to go through in a relationship?
- Are you friends with any of your exes and if so do you see them on a regular basis?
- Were you ever engaged or believed you would marry an ex?
Sex has always been an important question that we don’t often address. We’re taught from an early age that women don’t like sex and that men are ravenously horny. The truth is, people are just people who have interests and tastes all across the board. With that in mind, no sex question is uncomfortable to ask if you do so with taste and sensitivity. Above all, remember that sex is something we’re quite intimate about. Maybe something you’ve wanted or done sexually might be found odd by your partner or vice versa, but that is no reason to be cruel or mean to anyone or find yourself in that position. People have different tastes than others and have also been known to make mistakes. Let your partner explain themselves before you decide that what they want or have done is unacceptable.
- What is the sexiest fantasy you’ve had that was about me?
- What have we done sexually that you think about and want to try again?
- What is a fantasy you’d like to try with me that you’ve been embarrassed to share?
Other key questions:
- What is the craziest sex you’ve had?
- The most aroused you’ve ever been?
- Can you show me some pornography you like that we can watch together?
Read More – Sexy Relationship Questions
The last set of important relationship questions is asking about past tragedies. Trauma is often locked in box of memories that many often wish to keep that way. While feeling like you are kept out of your partner’s innermost experiences can seem unfair, patience, a safe relationship and trust can often draw out the answers with just a single question. Most people who have been abused or otherwise hurt feel that they don’t deserve to feel upset or mad about what happened. Asking the important question “Do you want to talk about it?” doesn’t trap a person into telling you what they think you want to hear, but rather gives him or her an opportunity to test the relationship waters for support and care.
Do you want to talk about it? Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable right now? Can you explain what you feel right now?
While encouraging open listening and non-invasive relationship questions is a great start, setting the mood for each kind of important question is critical for getting the desired result: an answer.
For values and past relationship questions, picking a time early in the relationship is best. However, if you find that you’ve been dating for a while but still don’t know everything a comment along the lines of: “things are going well, I feel I know a lot about you and I like how things are going. There are also new topics I’d love to explore with you. Maybe we could grab some coffee sometime and discuss?” If you’re trying to find out about his or her past, take a stroll and use the privacy to encourage honesty on your partner’s part.
For discovering the best place to ask important questions about tragedies or sex, an intimate environment with lots of inherent trust and comfort is most desirous. If you’re trying to uncover information that you know your partner would be uncomfortable sharing, spend the day or evening doing something fun that makes both of you laugh and enjoy yourselves. It sounds like a set-up but in reality, establishing that you like your partner and that you want him or her to be happy goes a long way towards drawing out answers to relationship questions. Make sure to ask important relationship questions in a comfortable spot such as on the couch or in bed. Use verbal and physical affection to enforce that you care how your partner feels.